WHY I WILL SLAP YOU: Normally, we're kindred spirits, you Razzies and I — you set Hollywood up with a stiff left jab to the jaw, and I come in and finish it off with an uppercut slap to the kisser. But this time, you really whiffed it with your 2005 nominations. Sure, you've got Son of the Mask (fittingly) nominated about a zillion times, and my old pal Rob Schneider gets the nod he deserves. But you pick Tommy the Cruise in the mediocre (but certainly not horrid) War of the Worlds over, say, Jamie the Foxx in Stealth?! And what about Jennifer Garner's shudder-inducing Elektra? Wait, wait, wait; you ignored Supercross?! There is no justice.
WHAT I WILL SLAP YOU WITH: That stupid faux electronic Stealth brain; even that glorified autopilot could have picked movies more deserving of a razzing.
HOW HARD I WILL SLAP YOU: Hard enough that you'll personally apologize to Cruise. Before he sics the Scientologists on you.
Source: http://movies.go.com
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